Is your playlist sad? I know mine is. And I’ve had comments on it in the past.
The reason my playlist is always so sad is because, deep down, I’m also really sad.
It’s one of the issues with living with Major Depressive Disorder. I have depression, and although I do feel better every now and again. And sometimes, I can go weeks, if not months, without a depressive episode. I sometimes still need to listen to music that talks to that part of me.
I listen to music that tells me that it’s okay to be depressed. For any reason. Because I don’t have anything to be depressed over – or at least that’s what people keep telling me.
And I’ve said it to myself on countless occasions. I know there’s no real reason to be depressed. But that isn’t going to change the fact that I have a chemical imbalance that makes me depressed.
So, listening to music that is about being upset – whether it’s about a day ending, or a life being taken, or a show ending… It makes me feel a bit better – knowing that there are other people who end up feeling extremely down because of very simple triggers.
After accepting the diagnosis of MDD, I became more comfortable with being sad. It’s not that I enjoy it. Of course, not. But, sometimes I just have to let myself be sad. Because the more I try to hide it, and ignore it, the worse it gets when it finally catches up.
I’d rather have small spells of sadness than major depressive episodes.
Let your emotions exist – because if you don’t, the pressure will cause you to combust.