Thought of the Day #10

How hard is it to care?

Today was really crappy. I’ve slept for most of it, spent a good two hours in the doctors to find out that I’ve torn a muscle away from my spine… Yay.

As someone who is usually able to multi-task, write 60-70wpm, and uses both hands to do so – it’s just not a great time. My right arm is partially immobile – I can’t lift my arm above my head, I can’t reach with it. I can’t even type on a keyboard because it’s too far away from my chest…

I had to call in sick – which I always hate doing – and self certificated for a week. Time to rest – maybe catch up on the sleep that my chronic pain has stolen from me for the past three weeks.

A friend messaged me – Why haven’t you done this yet? they asked… I was supposed to do a task for them, for free, as a good deed. The deadline was today but they don’t need it for a number of weeks.

They’d only given me 24 hours to begin with, which is never a good practice if you need a graphic designer to do something [always give at least a weeks notice! It’s just common decency].

So I responded with: Apologies – I’ve been resting in bed for the most part of the day. A muscle in my back has torn away from my spine so I’m on heavy meds. As soon as I’m not drowsy anymore, I’ll give it another shot. Fingers crossed, I’ll be up and able to do it by the end of the week. I may need to arms to type, but I can design with my left hand.

But, before even asking how did you do that? or I hope you’re okay! I got this: Well, I feel like shit too but at least I’m still working.

Seemingly they don’t understand how painful it is to have chronic pain, back issues, and a muscle being torn away from my SPINE.

If this was a role reversal, this person would’ve kicked off with me. Saying how dare you not care about me! But in reality, Why should I? If you can’t be bothered to care about me, I shouldn’t care about you – never mind doing a good deed to try and save you some money.

As you can imagine, I’m not doing that work for them now…

And I’m certainly not talking to them again.

I don’t need more people in my life that don’t give a shit about me. I need people who are caring and interested. I need people who actually want to be around me. I need positive people.

Not uncaring, self-centred arseholes.

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