Why I Forgave My Queer High School Bully

I was outed as Pansexual in my final year of High School – I was lucky, it was the last year, and many people didn’t hear about it, so I didn’t get too much shit for existing.

However, a group decided to take the piss. And in the past few years, it’s come to light that one of the worst has come out as Gay.

I didn’t say anything when this happened; I congratulated him in private. He didn’t apologise for what they did to me, but to be honest – maybe he didn’t realise how horrible he was to me? To others, perhaps but to me he was always acting as if it was a joke – no matter how hurtful he was being.

But he came out, and I forgave him. I’ve seen him grow; he’s supported Trans rights, he attends protests to support LGBT+/GRSVP rights. He’s grown as a person and improved.

I commented on this because of an article published by PinkNews.

A Gay man called out his high school bully after the bully came out as Bisexual. And usually, I would agree with it. But seemingly, this man never thought it was appropriate to call him out before he came out as Bisexual. And if I’m honest, I feel like this kind of thing should’ve been done privately; especially because it caused further discourse.

I feel for the guy – but things could’ve been dealt with in a better way.

I commented:

It’s not uncommon for LGBT Folx to bully others while closeted. A guy I was bullied by for being Pansexual and Trans came out as Gay a couple years ago. I’m happy for him because I now know that he was scared and trying to fit in. Nothing is going to reverse what he did to me – may as well just move on.

In response to my comments, someone asked: Wouldn’t an apology be a start [to reversing what he did]?

No! An apology is never going to change what he did to me. He was a fucking arsehole. He called me a Fag/Faggot, Tranny, Cuntboy, Hipstersexual, and Dyke, and that’s to name a few. He didn’t stop in High School – when I went to college, I kept getting notes. It didn’t stop until 2016 – and he came out the following year.

His post stated that he knew he’d done some horrible things and called people awful names to fit in and hide his sexuality from his religious parents – and honestly, I wasn’t surprised. He went to the same primary school as me, and it was Christian, highly religious… It doesn’t excuse him, but I wasn’t surprised. But he thanked me for congratulating him. It was a strange experience but with the coming out post, and the thanks he gave me – I felt like it was time. It still hurts, thinking back. But he’s moved on and grown from it. And I’ve grown from it too.

An apology won’t change what happened and confronting him publicly would’ve made me look like a cunt. I don’t have time to hold grudges.

And that’s why I forgave my queer high school bully.

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